Introduction

     As a society, we owe our proudest achievements to the endless variety of human perspectives and experiences. Yet, few of us are brought up to trust and value our uniqueness. Many of us feel pressured to conceal our true identity for fear of rejection, ridicule, or worse. It is even more unfortunate that our fears are often well-founded.

     Why do we let this happen? One reason is that it is simply too difficult for us to understand one another. Without common ground from which to resolve our differences, conversations turn into mutual accusations. Accusations turn into fear. Fear turns into hatred. And here we are, often left with the choice to either conform (while abandoning our identities) or accept ourselves (while often being shunned). My hope is that my written experiences will help bring about compassion, love, and acceptance toward those LGBTQs who are silently suffering in conformity and who are likely present in each of our lives.

     This is the story of how I denied and suppressed my sexuality for eighteen years—from age nine until twenty-seven. It was a kind of emotional agony that I wish upon no one. I especially do not wish it upon an innocent child who knows nothing of the prejudice against homosexuality. When children reach the age of discovery, their sexual identity must be cherished and protected by those who nurtured them from the womb. All children are pure at heart. It is only out of ignorance that we deny them the right to be who they truly are.

     As I write this autobiography, I do not write out of hate. I write out of love for all those who find sexual identity a puzzling subject-matter. While growing up as a gay Mormon, I can attest to a similar confusing inner-conflict which I struggled with for many years. Through this struggle to deny my sexuality, I’ve learned something that a major portion of America does not understand: sexuality is not chosen or forced. It is something given at birth but manifests at various ages. My sexuality will forever be a part of who I am. It has never changed and it never will. Yet the Mormon Church has attempted to “cure” me of my homosexuality. Sadly, such attitudes still persist even today in families, religions, governments, and institutions throughout the world. It is my hope that by sharing my story, I can bring love and understanding to this highly controversial topic. I deeply feel that we must stand united in our differences as human beings. Our country was founded on the promise of civil liberties—a promise toward which we are still striving to achieve. I'm a very optimistic person so I’ve always believed that, in time, this promise will triumph over prejudice and hate.