My Self-Hatred

 

     The Mormon religion taught that homosexuality is like a sinful “disease.” I could overcome this pestilence with faith in God, prayer, and persistence. The church’s teachings gave me hope that I could be like everyone else. And, after years of struggle, I wholeheartedly embraced this belief. By the age of twelve, I had exerted all my efforts to deny my sexuality. I believed the pain of denying my sexuality was necessary to fully repent for my shameful same-sex attractions. Even the word homosexuality sent chills down my spine because “I” was one! But, I couldn’t be one of those! Why was I cursed with such a profound iniquity? I felt empty inside and unworthy of life itself. In my desperation, I redoubled my zeal for prayer and repentance in hopes of a full recovery from this “sin.”