The Missionary Promise

 

     Before leaving for Brazil to embark on my mission, I had to pass an interview with the Stake President. This holy leader oversaw about 3,000 parishioners. He was not only a great man of God, but an astute and successful businessman at that. The air of his office was thick with intimidation. I felt small and sinful in his presence. I thought his holy calling from God might give him the ability to discern my deep dark secret. The thought of being found out was unbearable, and I silently prayed that God would spare me this disgrace.

     Many of the questions he asked during the interview concerned my sexual conduct. Only chaste young men and women could serve as missionaries. I had no problem in that area. I was too scared of my sexual feelings to ever act on them. I also had complete faith that my service would give God the compassion to relieve my suffering. Serving as a missionary had to be the answer to overcoming this “sin!”

     Then, the final question came. The Stake President asked me to “raise my arm to the square” – making a gesture of an oath – and asked, “Can you promise me you will honorably complete the full two years of your missionary calling?” This question hit me like a ton of bricks! "Am I even worthy right now?" I asked myself inside. My mind began racing. Then I realized, God certainly would have told him, by this point, if I wasn't worthy. So I just answered with a resounding "yes!" Like all the preceding questions, this one had only one right answer as well. If I was to be sent on my mission, I had to promise to stay the course. The Mormons use the term “dishonorable release” for missionaries who return home early for bad behavior. These words place shame and disappointment, not only upon the missionary, but upon the entire family for failure to raise a good Mormon. In a split second, I was then sworn to uphold my promise of an honorable return. The Stake President then gave me an affirming hug. We knelt down together while he prayed that God might protect and guide me through my mission. Only later did I grasp the full meaning of that hug and that prayer. The Stake President must have sent off more than a hundred young missionaries. Unbeknownst to me, he knew full well what lay ahead. He then shook my hand and bid me farewell. A sense of relief came over me as I walked out of his office. I thanked God for keeping my secret safe and for allowing me to serve as His missionary.